Day 344 - I'm Not Late...Yet.

In general I do not arrive any where late.

I know this is a bold statement, but I really don't. I can't stand being late. It gives me a type of anxiety I can't even describe. Ask Justin. I have no idea why - but it always has. I don't like waiting for people and I don't like people having to wait for me. I guess I'm impatient.

However when you live in the city and you don't have a car you are unfortunately at the mercy of public transportation which does NOT care if it gets you anywhere on time (and as you all know, my current employment does not allow for cabs). While normally I pad my travel time so as to make up for this blatant disregard for schedules on public transit's part, sometimes you just can't make it work.

Which is when I developed a lovely little mental strategy that has reduced my stress level immensely. It is as follows:

Don't stress about being late until you are actually late.

Simply enough, right? Because I found that when I'm running late the anxiety starts to build from there. I play all these mental math games like - "I'm supposed to be there in 20 minutes, but the bus normally takes 15 minutes and who knows how long I'll have to wait for it to come...dammit why isn't the #74 on bustracker. Hmm, I could jog up to the Blue Line which would save me 7 minutes, but hard to say how the #70 will pan out. Such a spotty bus..." You get the idea. Half the time I end up getting to my destination on time (I tend to run to places to make up time. Literally, run.) and I had all this unnecessary stress for the last half hour.

So now I tell myself I'm not allowed to be stressed out until it is actually past the time I'm supposed to be somewhere. Supposed to be there by 7p and it's only 6:50p? No stress. 7:01? Now I am allowed to stress. Because no one knows you're late at 6:50...in fact, you aren't LATE yet.

Semantics I suppose - but this little trick has saved me an enormous amount stress lately.

Day 335 - MLT Begins Soon!

Any day this week I should be finding out who my Chicago cohort is for MLT. I'm really excited to meet this motivated group of people who are also getting ready to apply to school. From what I have heard about the program individuals come out of MLT with life-long friends. As someone who thoroughly enjoys meeting new people, this excites me.

However, I'm also sort of nervous for superficial (but maybe real?) reasons. For those who haven't checked out the MLT program from my past posts, MLT is dedicated to helping under-represented minorities achieve a greater presence in business. Therefore most of the fellows are either black or hispanic. While I'm pretty comfortable with the hispanic contingent, I'm a little nervous about the black contingent. Not because black people scare me or anything (ha, come on). But more because I'm afraid I won't fit in.

Let me explain.

Although I am half black I have never really been involved with any "black-specific" organizations. From what I know about black culture, it has a very tight knit, family-like quality to it. And most individuals (this is a gross generalization) with any black heritage end up defaulting to identifying as "black." I mean take a look at Obama. He's only half black but he is very clearly identified as the first black President. His wife is black. His children are black. The entire black southside of Chicago claims him as "his."

And I guess that's just it. I'm afraid I won't be "claimed." I'm afraid it will be painfully obvious that I grew up in a very white suburb of Detroit. That it will show that I never made any attempts to join the black groups at Michigan. That I have more Indian, Hispanic and Asian friends than I do Black.

And the thing is it just sort of happened that way. I didn't grow up with my dad so I didn't have the exposure to black culture that I should have. And of course there was the careless comment my senior year of high school that cemented my aversion to "minority" designated groups:

High School Boy: "I heard you got a big scholarship to go to U-M."
Me: "Yea I did. It's nice."
High School Boy: "You only got that because you're black."

Although I knew that I deserved the scholarship - my grades were good, I was very involved in extra-curriculars, etc. - I couldn't shake the thought that people would only think I was "getting ahead" because of my race (whatever that may be). So that was it for me. I refused to join M Go Black. I wouldn't join the Black Business Students Association. Nothing. Never again would I give someone the chance to undermine my accomplishments.

And sadly I ended up missing out on an entire network of potentially wonderful friends because I was going to school at Michigan during the post-affirmative action era and didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea about my achievements.

So - long story short. I'm looking forward to MLT. This is sort of a second chance to reconnect with a group of people I should have always been connected with. Apprehension aside, I think this is a unique opportunity and I plan on fully embracing it.

Day 314 - Eating on a Dollar a Day?

I guess it can be done. My friend Devesh sent me the link to this social experiment conducted by a couple who wanted to see if they could eat on a dollar a day (a dollar for each of them). While I have some issues with their set-up, overall it is very interesting read and a lesson in how far a dollar can stretch.

My main qualms with it are as follows:
1. I wish they would have connected their experiment with some greater social message rather than just proclaiming it a "challenge" for themselves. Given the alarming rate of global poverty it seems like it would have been an easy link.
2. A dollar a day for food is one thing. I wish they would have put themselves on a limited budget for everything and see how frequently they traded off food for the option of heat or a place to sleep.
3. They sort of cheated since they bought a lot of things in bulk up front and then rationed it out by measuring. Realistically if someone had to survive on a dollar a day its likely that they had to earn that dollar that day. Which if that was the case you wouldn't be able to buy anything in a store (what cost a $1 or less? ramen noodles or a candy bar i suppose). What you would have to do is work 5-7 days to amass enough money to purchase anything and not eat during that time frame. Again - details, but it's true. This is the exact reason those living in poverty get stuck in a perpetual cycle - no access to credit or resources that can help them "get ahead" a little.

Ok I'll step off my soapbox. Check it out for yourself!

Day 306 - Do Fewer Things

I love the above stickies from prettybitter.com. I came across these in the January issue of Real Simple and have been feeling much more grounded about my growing list of New Year's resolutions that I had to get done.

I adore Real Simple magazine. The whole magazine centers around organization and simplifying your life. The January issue spoke to me even more when the big title on the front said: FEEL CALMER NOW. Yes. I need that. It was the perfect thing to get me back into a sensible approach to goal setting. So now I give you - my new simplified "resolutions" that I am working on right now:

1. Stretch every night.
2. Find more ways to cook at home.
3. Go to bed at 11p, wake up at 7:20a every day.
4. Don't drink alcohol until February 5th.

That's it. That's all I'm working on right now. I'm not studying for the GMAT, I'm not learning Spanish, I'm not becoming the world's best knitter (altho Justin's scarf is coming along nicely...) I am just focusing on a few things this month. January's focus is around better health habits.

Now not to say I'm not still making to-do lists and spreadsheets and budgets. Those are definitely all still happening, but I won't crucify myself if I skip a day of totaling my receipts. Someone told me it takes 30 days to make something into a habit so hopefully the above goals will become habits by early February (except for the no alcohol - what a boring habit) and I can move on to some new goals.

As for the one thing I will do tomorrow? Tomorrow I will pay my phone and utilities bill. Ah - simple enough. I already feel calmer.

Day 300 - Almost time for New Year's Resolutions

I can't believe it's the end of the year already. I know that's cliche - but really I can't believe it. I always find it so fascinating how you can never even GUESS what you'll be doing a year from now. A year ago I was just sort of kicking around the idea of becoming a VISTA and living on my own to save money - and now here I am! It just gives me faith in the power of making plans and setting up goals for yourself.

I'll probably sit down and make a good set of goals post NYE festivities, but here's a quick list:

• Re-take the GMAT: Blah. I know I know, I'm supposed to be done with this already. But the more I watch the economy tank I just know that applying to school in the fall is going to be tough. When people lose their jobs they go back to school. So since I have a bit of time I might as well just try for a slightly higher score. It won't kill me.
• Re-tighten my belt: I got a little lazy in December with budgeting given the holidays. But I'm ready to go back in full frugal mode. I'm ready to do a lot more cooking at home since I got more great kitchen gifts (toaster oven! microwave! cookbooks!) so I should be good. And I don't need any more clothes!!
• Alcohol Cleanse: I think it'd be nice to start the year off with a 30 day cleanse.
  
• Stretching: I apparently don't sleep well and have been twisting my body into knots lately. Until it's running season again for me (March) I will have to stretch until then.
• MLT / B-School Apps: I got into the MBA Prep program! So I need to make sure I totally commit to the process. I hope to gain a great group of friends and produce applications that I'm proud to submit. Kick-off event starts in March at the University of Virginia!
• Job Planning: My VISTA year ends in the beginning of September, so I need to make sure I have a job lined up that bridges me until school.
• Family: I had such a nice time at home last week. It just reminded me that I need to make an effort to call / e-mail / send cards regularly to my family to keep in touch. Just because I live in a different city doesn't mean I can't stay current! Check out pics from Christmas 2008.

And that's it for now. Time to enjoy the last of 2008!!

Day 276 - Professional Makeover

The other day I set up a performance review with my pseudo-boss at the new job. I say "pseudo-boss" because I don't really report to anyone in particular at the new job (another quirk of small organizations) but she is the co-President so it makes sense for her to give me feedback.

I'll admit upfront that I do not enjoy feedback. It makes me uncomfortable (both positive and negative), hot (literally. i try to dress in thin layers on feedback days) and panicky. However, I find it absolutely imperative to get feedback from time to time because I am a perfectionist and need to know how I'm doing honestly. This particular feedback round was especially tricky for me because the new job is so different from Kraft. I still haven't totally figured out "norms" and there is no structured process around performance check-ins, so it was really just a conversation with my boss.

Now I'm quite sure that I received good feedback during this uncomfortable, hot, panicky 45 minute discussion, however the piece of "constructive" feedback I got was the only thing I heard. And it literally sent me in a tailspin for the rest of the week.

Essentially I was told that I needed to work on how I "sounded." At first I wasn't sure what she was talking about. But as she described how I "sounded" I realized she was basically telling me to stop talking like a 19-year old girl. Ouch. She referenced that certain speech patterns ("like" "um" "cool") completely undermine anything I'm saying. Further I needed to work on speaking more assertively and definitively so that I sounded confident in what I was saying and not like I was doubting myself.

Needless to say, I was horrified. I would have rather had her tell me I wasn't cut out for the job. This feedback felt more like a personal attack. Change how I TALK? Gee, that'll be easy. To be fair, I do have a small voice. And a small presence (5'2" can only fill up so much space). But I never dreamed I was talking like a valley girl who was, like, totally psyched to be working at this, like, sweet non-profit.

So I went back to my desk (uncomfortable, hot, panicked AND mortified) and thought about this feedback for a little bit. And as I thought about it I realized I had two paths here: either continue to be embarrassed and stop speaking at work or actually do something to change how I presented myself. I decided on the latter. Enter my new favorite book:

The book goes into all the mistakes that women unconsciously make as a result of years of socialization. Mannerisms, attitude, appearance, etc. It's really an eye-opening book - and the perfect guide for me to conquer how I sound.

What I realized was that my boss was giving me this feedback because she WANTS me to succeed. She wants me to present my ideas in a clear, confident manner because the ideas are there. I just need to convey them in such a way that everyone knows that they are there. And yes, it's embarrassing to think that the way I talk may be sabotaging my success, yet it is empowering to know that I can control these habits and OWN my success.

Changing habits is hard - but I look forward to this week of work to try out some of the techniques I'm learning. Why have feedback if you don't intend on fixing things? All about self-improvement....!

Day 239 - The Irony of Groceries

I was at the grocery store the other day and I realized I was staring at the options for bread for a really long time. Longer than I have ever sized up bread. I realized I was actually shopping. Comparing the prices. Trying to determine which had more slices. Figuring out which had the longest shelf life. I have never paid this close attention to my groceries. I normally do not shop. I normally just pick things up. But now that I'm on my VISTA budget I really have to think about stretching my dollar further.

So this got me to thinking about how ironic it is that I now spend so much time considering the price of groceries. The entire time I worked at Kraft (you know. the manufacturer of most groceries) I never truly thought about the price our consumers were paying. I mean, on some level I was aware that it was going to be painful to pay $4 for a package of American processed cheese for someone somewhere, but it was in more of an abstract way. But now I realize that people do not just shrug their shoulders and say "Shoot. I hate that groceries are so expensive. But o well...what are you going to do?" No. They say "Ok. I can buy bread, milk and eggs. And we'll have to do without cheese on this trip."

It just feels so ironic that only now do I feel more closely connected with groceries than I did when I was in my ivory tower of Grocery Marketing. Only now am I aware that milk is cheaper this week than it was last, so I should probably stock up and buy a full gallon. Only now do I really understand the consumer I spent two years selling to, convincing myself that a higher price point was justified all in the name of a brand.

And it just feels so unfortunate. Imagine if everyone at Kraft really understood what their consumers are facing? Imagine if they had to spend a month living on the wage the majority of their consumers live on? I bet they'd want to re-think their go to market strategy. Think about where costs could be cut to deliver a product that is more reasonably priced. But that will never happen. The people who make the decisions on how products are priced at a large company will likely never have had to really think about how to get food on the table. Not really think about it.

And I guess what is even more ironic is that those who work at a big food company like Kraft and leave to say "try a year in poverty" are probably not going to ever go back to the big food company. So the lessons they've gathered from being "out in the field" will never be brought back.

And thus processed cheese ends up remaining at $4 a package.

Day 216 - A Few Quick Thoughts

Ugh.  I'm so sick of talking/thinking about money.  It makes me feel like a wrinkly old miser.

I am not a wrinkly old miser.  I am a thrifty, peace-loving, free spirit.

So I need to set up a few goals for myself in regards to money.  The date to complete these goals is by the end of October:

• Stop mentioning to people how broke I am.  It just makes me feel irritated and I doubt people want to hear it either.
• Stop declining social activities with "I just don't have the money."  Again this just re-enforces a negative feeling instead of a positive one.  Instead, I shall replace my social activity declines with a simple "Sorry, I'm busy that night."  It will make me seem mysterious and interesting that my calendar is always so busy. :)
• Do not let friends guilt me into spending money I don't have.  I understand that going out to the bar is part of our social fabric as young 20-somethings...however, this is just not a doable expense.  Instead work on becoming a fun, lively, secretively sober presence at the bar and people won't notice that I'm not heavily drinking with the rest of them.  

Ok.  October 31st I hope to have drilled these ideals into my head.

Day 211 - A Month into the Burn

Well I have now been in my new VISTA position for about 4 weeks and I feel like a LOT has happened! I am also a month into my official new budget, so I have lots to report back on as well as suggestions for improvement.

VISTA:
It is so awesome meeting small business owners in the city of Chicago. It is especially interesting meeting entrepreneurs in the neighborhoods CCV seeks to serve (low to moderate income). These business owners have a totally different set of challenges on top of running their business. I have primarily been working with clients on the Southside - Bronzeville specifically - assessing how I can help them build a marketing plan. Some of the clients are going through a more formalized process by enrolling in a 4-month marketing class that CCV has created and others I am just working on ad-hoc development. I also get to meet entrepreneurs with high-growth potential through our Challenge Grant application which utilizes a totally different set of skills in assessing. Needless to say I find the work interesting and I have things to keep me busy.

In terms of integrating into the culture of CCV I think I'm doing an alright job. The whole staff is very nice and welcoming. I'm getting over the culture shock of working with 14 people. I am also trying to get used to such a loose structure, like not reporting to anyone specifically and having no direct accountability for anything. I'm just trying to remain open minded and eager to learn as much as possible.

Budget:
Ugh - this budget is not fun. The way I currently have it structured is I am subsidizing a portion of my monthly income with my savings since my volunteer stipend isn't enough to cover my living expenses given my rent (which I knew would be the case). Since I don't want to totally wipe out my savings I'm trying to keep that subsidized amount low and subsequently am on a very tight budget. So...lessons learned good & bad:

Good:

• Using the Dave Ramsey envelope system has proven rather effective. It has primarily kept my frivolous spending to a minimum since I have very little allocated for shopping and entertainment - so once its out, its out!
• I used to think food was something I didn't have to track too closely, but I was wrong! Food adds up quickly. So I've been very conscious of actually creating meal plans so I buy just what I need and less food goes to waste.
  
• I actually feel like I see the city in a different way now. I'm on "the other side" somewhat, constantly thinking about where every dollar goes. I find it sort of humbling and a good life lesson. I'll definitely know the value of a dollar when this is over.
  

Bad:

• So the problem with having savings is just that. I have extra money in my account that I'm constantly aware of. I find myself sometimes thinking "well...I COULD get that...I HAVE the money..." but then I have to remind myself that good budgeting now will have a future Lauren thanking me (come next summer for example).
  
• Ivy. Ugh - I love that cat but she totally messed up my budget this month. Her vet bill was outrageous. And I spent a lot of time trying to figure out "how to make her comfortable" by trying different litters and litter boxes and foods and beds. My guess is she's pretty comfortable now. But I will have to watch spending on my little roommate.
  
• Socializing sort of stinks. I just can't go out to the bar or dinner or wherever as frequently. I mean I guess I COULD go and not buy anything, but that's a little weird.
  

In general the budget is working out. But I don't love it. And I'm not totally sure what I'm going to do come time to do big MBA application stuff. That's not a cheap process. I've started babysitting a little on the side and am trying to use that for "MBA savings" but I'll need A LOT more baby-sitting jobs before I have enough to cover the cost of visiting and applying to schools.
Well - every little bit counts.

Bring it on October!

Day 183 - Moving Right Along That Checklist

I feel that I am doing a pretty good job of sticking to my checklist of goals.   Today I submitted my MLT application which took me MUCH longer than anticipated.  (They need all sorts of crazy information like my ACT scores.  Um.  That was 2001...I have no clue.)  Also, I don't think that applying to MLT was stated as an official goal back in March, but its sort of a sub-goal of getting into B-School.

MLT is essentially a MBA Prep program for underrepresented minorities in business.  If you are accepted into the prep program you have access to personal coaching throughout the entire business school application (which is strenuous in itself).  The idea is to help strengthen applications of minorities to increase their chances to get into top business school programs and subsequently increase their presence in senior management positions.  It's pretty cool.  More info here.

I won't know if I'm accepted until November so for now I will just focus on the upcoming new job!  My VISTA service will begin on Monday and I'm so excited.  I'm excited to meet everyone at CCV, find out more about my position and just excited to be trying something new.  I'm also really scared.  I don't like to be bad at things so I hope I'm not bad at this job.  I also don't really like to be new at things either because it makes me feel so helpless.  But alas, I cannot just walk in knowing everything so I will be patient and try to soak up everything as fast as I can.

With the start of the new job. the reality of my new budget started sinking in as well.  It is going to be TIGHT.  I was at Target for nearly an hour struggling to distinguish between things I NEED and things I just WANTED.  In the end everything I had in my hands was just something I wanted so I tried to par down to just the items that seemed truly practical (air freshener?  I have a cat!  new cardigan?  it's cold in offices!)  There were a few truly good budget deeds I did today that I'm hoping is showing my new frugal mindset:

1. I only ate at home today.  Leslie and I made a delicious dinner of pasta, mozz, red peppers and spinach with a side of acorn squash (see picture).  It was cheap and made lots of leftovers!  
2. Megan and I wanted to meet up for drinks tonight but I knew that going out to a bar would rack up fast.  So I went over to Megan's to see her new place and just drank a couple of beers there.  Economical and more personal!
3. Despite Armageddon rains all day I did not break down and take a cab at all today.  I even normally feel a little iffy taking the bus at night, but I knew a cab from Lincoln Park would be expensive so I sucked it up and waited for the Diversey bus at 10:15pm.  Totally safe!  And only $1.75 :) 

So yes.  I'm getting there in every sense.  I am working along my personal and professional checklist, I am days away from my new VISTA position and I am working hard to stick to my new budget!

Day 161 - Part Two

oh.  and for those who wanted to meet ivy :)

Day 161 - Ah yes - now I'm 24.

Today was one of those days where I felt my age.

I woke up this morning, made coffee and oatmeal, and got ready for work.  I packed my lunch, I fed my cat and I caught the bus to the train.  I read my book while on the train and got my ticket out before the conductor asked.  I went to work and conversed with colleagues and carried out the responsibilities entitled in my job.  I ate lunch with co-workers and laughed at the daily activities of corporate life.  After work I got back on the train and had my ticket ready again.  I walked from the train station making a mental list of errands I needed to complete this weekend.  When I got back to my apartment I grabbed my mail and greeted Ivy.  I called my mother and my brother called me.  I made dinner for myself and read my book.  My friend Lindsey came over and met my cat.  My boyfriend texted to let me know he got to NYC safely.  I cleaned up my dishes, brushed my teeth, took out my contacts, pet my cat and got into bed.  

And it wasn't until I got in bed that it struck me - I have my own life.  I don't know why today this felt particularly pointed.  I think in your early 20s there is this tendency to forget that you aren't just "away" and that you'll be home again soon.  That's the mindset of college.  You are totally on your own...but not REALLY.  During college you are in a temporary place and time and soon you'll be home again.  But now I am home.  This is where I live.  I have lived here for 2 years.  I have my own job and I'm getting a new job.  I have my own apartment.  I pay all my bills.  I have a CAT.  I have friends that I made not just because I go to school with them but because I made friends.  And I keep them.  And I like them and they like me.  

And all of this is silly and rambling but I guess sometimes I just forget that I am my own autonomous self.  I don't even live in the state that I grew up.  I am 24 and I live in Chicago and I am living the life that I have created for myself.  

And frankly, it's nice.  

Day 155 - Goal 2 Complete!

I was waiting until I had given my official notice at my current employer before blogging, but now I can share that I accomplished my second professional goal: I have been offered a position as an AmeriCorps VISTA!  My year of service will begin in September.

I am absolutely pumped.  I have been thinking about this for a long time (nearly a year) and I'm so happy I was able to find an organization that aligns with values I'm committed to.  My Pre-Service Orientation is not until August 18th so I will not know more specific details until then probably.  But it is all very exciting nonetheless.

However, this means I cannot be willy nilly with my budget practices anymore.  I have to hunker down and actually stick to a budget since I am taking a SIGNIFICANT pay cut.  And I'm obviously not becoming a VISTA because I care about how much I get paid (I'm actually rather excited that I will be compensated at the level of poverty since this will help me truly immerse in the experience) but I'm afraid I have just gotten used to a certain level of spending.  

It will be challenging but I look forward to being thrifty.  It will help me grow as an individual and consider a whole new way of living.

More to come soon... :)

Day 145 - It's Not a Kitten, but Not a Bad Start

Today I became a plant person!  I am so excited about my two new additions in my apartment. I actually have other living THINGS in this space with me (hopefully the only other living things...).

I also just got back some artwork I had framed a few weeks ago.  I hung them all by myself which for me is quite a task.  I normally leave such an important responsibility to my boyfriend but I figured since I accomplished buying two plants I could accomplish hanging two pictures.  I even took pictures of the plants and framed art to share:

This plant is supposedly "eco-friendly."  I have no idea what that means.  Aren't 

all plants eco-friendly?  Either way I like it.  Apparently I can't post the picture of the other plant so I give up (I've tried like 6 times...must have an error in the file).  It is spiky and cute and lives in my kitchen.

And here is the artwork I framed and hung.  One is a portrait of my mom when she was in London in 1977 (coincidentally she was 24 then...the age I will be in a mere couple of hours) and the other is a print my friend Megan made a few years back.  

I am almost to the level of apartment completeness that I desire.  Just need a table and chairs. Which I THINK I will be getting tomorrow.  I found a great little round table with three chairs (one is maroon!) that would fit perfectly in my kitchen.  Justin was sweet enough to offer to drive to work tomorrow so we can pick it up on the way back.  I'm so excited - I hope it is still available tomorrow!

Now if I can just work on getting that kitten I want... 

Day 133 - Living Alone = Fantastic

People told me I'd feel lonely or scared or bored living by myself.  Absolutely not the case.  I think I like living alone almost TOO much.  Perhaps this will fade, but a month and half in and I am still doing splendid.  This is probably stemming from the fact that I have lived with roommates for the past 6 years and I was about done.

Oddly, since I started living alone I have had a heightened interest in cooking, cleaning and decorating.  Something about it feels more gratifying than when I used to do these things in a shared space.  Perhaps it always felt like I didn't get to fully enjoy the benefits of those things.  But now anything I do here directly impacts me and only me.  Excellent!

Cooking:

Today I made cranberry, walnut & raisin scones.  Delicious.  And tonight I am going to make a marinated vegetable salad that I can bring to work for a couple of days.  I am so over buying lunch at work.  It has gotten ridiculously expensive for mediocre food.  I'd much rather spread my dollar a little further on something tasty.  I am trying to plan out my meals ahead of time but it's still kind of hard.  I re-read Leo's 50 tips for grocery shopping and I'm still not there yet.

Cleaning:

I have always been a fan of a tidy and clean space (I frequently use that compressed air stuff to clean out crumbs and debris from my keyboard at work) but it is especially magnified here in my mini-kingdom.  I dust, vacuum and clean my bathroom once a week.  And I make my bed every day.  I still suck at laundry - but I'll get there.

Decorating:

Ugh.  This is going to be the downfall of me.  I am constantly thinking "hmm, I should go pick up a plant"  or "I should get a few more frames" or "I should swing by the custom frame shop to put that artwork in."  Decorating could be a dangerously expensive habit if I don't watch out.  Spending a lot of money is NOT the direction I'm trying to head.  I just got some art custom framed that cost me far more than I had planned.  I think I'll be going back to matting my own stuff.  I'm totally capable of doing it.  

All in all I think that I have really stepped it up on my domesticity simply due to the fact that I don't have cable.  I'm sure if I had cable I would waste an enormous amount of time.  You can only spend so much time online and reading so I have subsequently upped my domestic game.

We'll see how long this all keeps up...only takes 30 days to make something a habit!

Day 100 - Well At Least I Started Cooking...

Hmm...apparently when you move to a new apartment and don't own any kitchen stuff it is somewhat hard to start your "Eating Healthy" habits.

I moved into my new delightful apartment on May 31st and am feeling pretty set up. However, I did not anticipate that owning pots and pans does not a kitchen make. In fact I learned there are a number of key kitchen utensils that are a must:

- A cutting board
- A spatula
- A stirring spoon
- A can opener
- Measuring cups

So far I have bought 2 of these 5 things and was able to cook my first meal last night! Breanna is in town so I knew it had to be a vegetarian dish and turns out stir fry is the best way to eat lots of veggies in a yummy way. Last night's meal:

- Angel hair pasta (I recommend Barilla Plus - I think they are fortified wheat noodles. They are delicious)
- Snow peas, green peppers, carrots, green onions, red onions and broccoli all cooked up
- Stir in Lawry's Stir Fry sauce (so easy. so delicious.)

And voila! I had dinner!

Lessoned learned? When you move to your very own apartment you are unlikely to have all of the cooking utensils you need. HOWEVER. It is still possible to cook a basic meal. No cutting board? Cut on the plate (carefully). No measuring cups? Eyeball it. No can opener? Don't buy canned goods yet. :)

I have also been able to make myself lattes on a fairly regular basis. Although steaming milk has been a bit of a fiasco because I do not have a little steaming cannister so I have been steaming it directly in the cup. Sort of messy.

Anyhow...I'm definitely getting there. I have identified my grocery store of choice (on the way home!) and I keeping a very detailed list of all the cooking utensils I still need. More to come!

Day 79 - Healthy Days Ahead

Post GMAT life has allowed me to have sufficient time to relax, travel, visit family and friends and chill in general.  It has been fantastic.

But now it's time to start with some new goals!  

I am moving on Saturday to my very own apartment (I've never lived alone!) which is a natural time to start re-setting goals for the summer.  Lately I've been reading a lot of health and food magazines (free subscriptions at work + airport travel = me totally caught up on the latest health & wellness trends) leading me to want to set my next goal around my health.

Now I would not say I'm a totally unhealthy lazy person, but I think there is definitely room for improvement in my approach to my overall "wellness."  Specifically I'd like to focus on what I eat.  I'd like to eat more local and less processed foods (o the irony of my current occupation) as well as cook at home a lot more.  Until now I was hesitant to cook a lot with roommates around.  I could never remember what food was mine and it seemed like I was always buying butter even though there was no way I ate that much butter in 2 weeks.  Eventually I just stopped buying groceries.  But living alone - EVERYTHING will be mine!  

So specific goals for improving my eating habits:

• Eat breakfast at home each morning, bring lunch 3x a week and cook dinner at home 3x a week
• Go grocery shopping once a week for that week's planned meals
• Try to shop at the Farmer's Market for produce
• Attempt to grow a few things - specifically I'm thinking basil and small tomatoes
• Understand what my caloric intake should be - this I can expand upon a bit.  I am definitely not trying to "watch my calories" or cut calories or anything like that since I'm a fairly small person.  But as a runner I know that I need to be getting a certain number of calories every day to keep up with all the energy that I burn and I'm just not sure what that number ought to be.
• Educate myself on how to shop sustainably as well as how I can incorporate local, organic and natural trends.  However, I have a feeling I will not be purchasing too many organic products because I simply cannot justify the price yet.  Perhaps once I learn more...
• Take the proper vitamins to supplement my diet.  I definitely need to be taking my glucosamine - I have the joints of an 80 year old woman.  

I think that's a good start.  

To close I thought I'd share some suggestions I read in the June edition of "body + soul" magazine on some easy switches to make in your diet.  The idea is that the alternative is equally as satisfying but much healthier.  Outlined below for your enjoyment!

1. Instead of white potatoes try sweet potatoes
2. Instead of croutons try walnuts
3. Instead of mayonnaise try avocado
4. Instead of button mushrooms try shiitakes
5. Instead of milk chocolate try dark chocolate
6. Instead of iceberg lettuce try romaine lettuce
7. Instead of cream cheese try almond butter
8. Instead of all-purpose flour try whole-wheat flour
9. Instead of vegetable oil try canola oil
10. Instead of sour cream try yogurt

Day 63 - Goal 1 Complete!

I'm happy to announce that I have completed Goal 1 - GMAT is finished!  Walking out of that testing center yesterday I felt very accomplished (and relieved).  Huge weight off my shoulders.  I'm happy to say that my hard work paid off and that I'm pleased with my score.  I definitely came a long way from where I started and it feels good to know that setting goals and being diligent about sticking to those goals are habits that are rewarded.

I'll probably reflect more later in the week, but I thought it was important to at least document that I have completed my first goal.  (In a mere 63 days :) ).  

Day 42 - Light at the End of the Tunnel

There is something totally mesmerizing and surreal about running along Lake Michigan when it's completely foggy.  You can't see any of the lake but you KNOW that it's right there to your left.   You can smell it and you can sense it and that's all you really need.  When it's misty and rainy the sound of your breathing is magnified in your ears and you can almost run with your eyes closed.  It's fantastic.

I'm feeling good.

I have exactly 3 weeks until test day.  I took another CAT test today and went up 50 pts.  I know exactly what I need to focus on and sharpen over the next couple of weeks.  There are a few things that have helped me remain focused and on task with my studies.

Schedule and Re-Schedule

If you are a compulsive scheduler/list-maker like me you probably tend to make much too lofty of schedules and to-do lists.  The problem with this is that once you start to get a little off track the whole thing gets off course and you feel overwhelmed with just how off schedule you have become.  So I've started a new policy where I make a schedule - and then at the end of the day I revise the schedule going forward for anything I didn't get to that day.  And I just keep revising. I've found it's just nice to constantly keep the tasks top of mind.

  

Ignoring Peer Pressure

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not all that fun lately.  Justin has even started calling me Bo-Lo.  But I really don't care that I'm sort of boring lately.  My friends will still be my friends in 3 weeks.  I see no point in half-assing this test.  I've already invested the time - so I need to see it through.  I'll be fun May 11th.

Sobriety

It may seem obvious, but staying sober on the weekend (or the weekdays for that matter) frees up an ENORMOUS amount of time.  I don't think I realized how much time fell into the black hole of un-productivity that goes hand in hand with being hungover.  Even just a little hungover means getting up closer to 11a rather than 8a or 9a.  Waking up crisp and ready to attack the day is much more conducive to studying.

Tell Someone - Tell Everyone

I actually picked up this tip from Leo.  I was hesitant at first.  A month ago I was sort of quiet and shy about telling people that I was taking the GMAT because I didn't want people asking me about it and then wondering how I did in case I didn't do well.  But I've found that by telling people I feel all that more invested.   Every time I tell someone it's a reminder to myself that I've set a goal that needs to be accomplished.  May 10th.  That's the date.

So that's that.  The test isn't over but I can FEEL it almost here.  So I'm just going to stay the course until the finish line.  

Day 30 - Regaining Clarity

I won't pretend that Chicago has the most beautiful weather.  

Half of the year is a combination of wet, cold and windy while the other half of the year is a combination of hot, sticky and humid.  The weather rarely stays at a pleasant temperature one way or the other for much longer than a few days.  While this is definitely an irritating feature of Chicago climate there is one major plus.  The first true day of Spring.  

Last week fell sort of into the camp of wet, cold and windy and then all of sudden on Saturday the sky opened up, the temperature soared to 60 degrees and the sun shone brightly.  Everyone in Chicago was outside shopping, running and eating.  People were happy and you could feel the collective sigh of relief that "YES.  Winter must finally be over.  We did it.  We GOT THROUGH IT."  

I bring this up because for me weather is often closely correlated with how I feel in life.  The beautiful weather on Saturday totally re-charged me and gave me an opportunity to take a fresh look at my progress on my goals.  Lately I have been working a lot and studying a lot leaving me to feel like I've just been trying to GET THROUGH IT.   And the good news is that I have been getting through it and I have clarity now that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  Spring is almost here.  

Progress To Date:

• I have been studying consistently for the GMAT, which means a little each day (some days a lot).  I have been keeping up with the homework assignments pretty well and have a clear understanding of what I need to work on.  I signed up for my test date and know what I need to do until then.
• I have been avoiding goal ADD.  For me that means NOT trying to improve other areas of my life simultaneously.  I have not been running.  I even sold my bib for the Shamrock Shuffle because running is not a focus right now.  It can come back into my life in May.  Unfortunately that also means I haven't been doing basic things like grocery shopping or laundry - but o well.
• I have been prioritizing.  GMAT is #1 right now and work is #2.  Work is fighting hard to be #1 but I won't let it.  Focus.

Now that I've had an opportunity to reflect on my progress I'm feeling good about the outlook.  I should be totally done with Goal #1 - GMAT - by mid May.  30 more days of what I've been doing - not bad. 

And then I can move on to Goal #2.