I'll admit upfront that I do not enjoy feedback. It makes me uncomfortable (both positive and negative), hot (literally. i try to dress in thin layers on feedback days) and panicky. However, I find it absolutely imperative to get feedback from time to time because I am a perfectionist and need to know how I'm doing honestly. This particular feedback round was especially tricky for me because the new job is so different from Kraft. I still haven't totally figured out "norms" and there is no structured process around performance check-ins, so it was really just a conversation with my boss.
Now I'm quite sure that I received good feedback during this uncomfortable, hot, panicky 45 minute discussion, however the piece of "constructive" feedback I got was the only thing I heard. And it literally sent me in a tailspin for the rest of the week.
Essentially I was told that I needed to work on how I "sounded." At first I wasn't sure what she was talking about. But as she described how I "sounded" I realized she was basically telling me to stop talking like a 19-year old girl. Ouch. She referenced that certain speech patterns ("like" "um" "cool") completely undermine anything I'm saying. Further I needed to work on speaking more assertively and definitively so that I sounded confident in what I was saying and not like I was doubting myself.
Needless to say, I was horrified. I would have rather had her tell me I wasn't cut out for the job. This feedback felt more like a personal attack. Change how I TALK? Gee, that'll be easy. To be fair, I do have a small voice. And a small presence (5'2" can only fill up so much space). But I never dreamed I was talking like a valley girl who was, like, totally psyched to be working at this, like, sweet non-profit.
So I went back to my desk (uncomfortable, hot, panicked AND mortified) and thought about this feedback for a little bit. And as I thought about it I realized I had two paths here: either continue to be embarrassed and stop speaking at work or actually do something to change how I presented myself. I decided on the latter. Enter my new favorite book:
The book goes into all the mistakes that women unconsciously make as a result of years of socialization. Mannerisms, attitude, appearance, etc. It's really an eye-opening book - and the perfect guide for me to conquer how I sound.
What I realized was that my boss was giving me this feedback because she WANTS me to succeed. She wants me to present my ideas in a clear, confident manner because the ideas are there. I just need to convey them in such a way that everyone knows that they are there. And yes, it's embarrassing to think that the way I talk may be sabotaging my success, yet it is empowering to know that I can control these habits and OWN my success.
Changing habits is hard - but I look forward to this week of work to try out some of the techniques I'm learning. Why have feedback if you don't intend on fixing things? All about self-improvement....!
1 comment:
It's true. Beyond the age and time at the company here, the college graduates talk like they're still in school. It'll wear off sooner, hopefully, than later.
Speaking of offices, all offices here (99%) are in the middle of the floor. It's the cubes that have the great view. I wish I had a good view.
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